I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
