It's Friday. Sex?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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