you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
