Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
