and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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