omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
