i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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