Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
