that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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