I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
