I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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