It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
