I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
