apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
