she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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