She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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