I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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