A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
