Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
