Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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