Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
