It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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