Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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