I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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