Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have post one night stand depression
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
