So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
