like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
