chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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