i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
