im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
