Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
