I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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