I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
