So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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