No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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