A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
