dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
