I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
