You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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