my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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