I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
