I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
