but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
