So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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