I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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