508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
