So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
