If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
