youre lurking in front of me
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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