you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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