The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize
