Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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