Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize