Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm just crazy horny about you
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
