We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
