So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
