We won't sleep together?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
