I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
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