If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
