Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
