She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
