The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
