I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
