Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
