It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
