i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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