Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
