I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
