god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
