Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
