It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
whose parrot is this?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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