I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
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