i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
