I hate your face
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
