If i come over, it means nothing
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
