what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
