this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
