im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
