Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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