Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It all started with a game of naked twister.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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