I can tuck mytits in my pants
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
